Thanks to Debbie for tipping me off that there was a problem viewing the Katie Parker Christmas story. I could view it on one of my computers, but not on the other. So I reformatted it and hopefully it’s viewable to all!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled Saturday…

JEN

3 comments

I am BEYOND excited to share with you a preview of the Christmas short story now running in the December issue of Brio magazine. It features Katie Parker and Mad Maxine, two characters very near and dear to my heart.

I have always been totally in love with Christmas stories, Christmas shows, and Christmas movies. When I was little I even had special Christmas paper dolls so I could make up my own Christmas tales. There is something just so magical about the holiday season. So to get the opportunity to write a Christmas short story for the best tween/teen magazine out there THRILLS my heart.

You can read a snippet of it here. But for the rest…you gotta find the December issue of Brio at a Christian book store. But it’s SUCH a great issue. You won’t be sorry! (And not because my story’s in there.) This issue is chock-full of cool things to read. Like an article on toning your tummy. Um…is it just a coincidence that they ran that when I was in the mag too? I doubt it. I must go dig out my pilates ball… And there’s a great article on a teen who has a brother with Downs. And lots of advice and Q and A’s. I LOVE reading advice columns. But one of the coolest things is there’s a great feature of Barlow Girl, the best harmonizers in the whole universe. Among other things, the girls talk about their new Christmas CD and how they wrote one song on it called “Hallelujah (Light Has Come).” I was so excited to see they wrote that because on this CD it is my ABSOLUTE favorite. You can totally get it on iTunes for 99 cents like I did!!! (Or buy the whole CD, but economic crunch and all…)  Anyway, it is my new favorite Christmas song and stunningly beautiful. I totally sang it into my hairbrush just this morning.

And now without further ado…here’s (a piece of, just a scooch, a smidgen, a wee bit of) “A Katie Parker Christmas.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Get your long johns on, sweet pea. Don’t want your tushie to freeze.”

My foster grandmother, Maxine stands in my doorway, looking like a pink abominable snowman.

“I’m not going sledding with you again.” I turn the page of my People magazine. “I nearly broke my neck on the ramp you built last week.”

Maxine snorts. “Snow days are not for wienies.”

This is my second day off from school. And as usual, Maxine has trekked her way over here to draft me into her extreme winter sports. At her age, you’d think she’d be more concerned with breaking a hip–instead of breaking the town speed limit on a toboggan.

The bed gives as Maxine plops herself beside me. “What’s with the long face, Katie?”

I can’t hide anything from this woman, so I no longer try. “Christmas is less than two weeks. And I have been saving my allowance like crazy, but I still don’t have enough to get everyone really good presents.”

Maxine rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry about the others–as long as you have my gift.”

“You were easy to buy for–a box of Depends. It’s Millie and James I’m having trouble with.” Though my role in life is to rile Maxine, I’m quite serious about the gifts for my foster parents. What do you get a pastor and his wife–people who have everything? I’ve been working on knitting Milile a scarf, but right now it looks more like a misshapen beach towel. At least I’ve got Maxine’s already–a greatest hits collection of an eighties heavy metal band.

“I wouldn’t put much worry into it.”

I frown. “But it has to be perfect.”

My foster grandma kisses me on the forehead. “When it’s right, you’ll know.” She pats her chest. “Just make sure it comes from here.”

“Your bra?”

“The heart.”

****

The first day back at school after snow days is so painful. I listened to the radio for cancellations for over an hour this morning before accepting defeat and crawling out of bed.

I open my locker, wincing at the pain in my shoulder. I make a mental note never to go tubing down a hill with Maxine again. We always get airborne, and somehow I’m always the the soft spot she lands on.

“New girl, ten o’clock.” I turn at my friend Jeremy’s voice then angle my sights where he’s looking. “You should go talk to her for me, Katie.” He throws his books in the locker beside mine. “Tell her what a fine actor I am. What a nice guy. What a–”

“Chicken for not talking to her yourself?”

He blinks. “That  hurts.”

“She doesn’t exactly look like she’s ready for the manly wonder known as Jeremy Foster. ” In fact, the new girl looks like she’s ready to escape the building and hit the slushy road any moment.

“Fine. I’ll just watch her from afar. Hey, a group of us are going out for pizza tonight. Are you in?”

Envy knots in my gut like a big yarn ball connected to Millie’s scarf. “No, I’m saving my money. Christmas, you know.”

In Junior English, I open my copy of Hamlet and reread the last few scenes in case there’s a quiz. It would be so like my teacher to throw out a quiz after a few days off. As my eyes trip over some wherefores, thees, thous, and arts, Mrs. Bailey clears her throat to begin class.

“Class, we have a new student. Please welcome Josie Dawson.”

Surprised that I hadn’t even noticed the new girl, I turn toward the back of the room. Huddled in a corner seat is the object of Jeremy’s affection. She smiles weakly, her eyes darting around the room, then down to her desk.

After school I talk with some friends, then make my way to my car. Well, actually it’s Milie’s. My foster parents are going to get me a vehicle, but can’t seem to find the right one. I’m not exactly the best driver, so they want a really sturdy car. James says he’s looking for a good used tank.

As I turn on the ignition, David Crowder pours out my stereo. And Josie Dawson appears in my rear view.

I turn around and see her sitting on the sidewalk, her head dropped.

Something tugs at my heart, so I pull up beside her. “Hey, Josie, right?” I quickly introduce myself. “Do you need a ride?”

She shakes her head no.

“You’ve heard about my dirivng, haven’t you? Look, I did take out a small chicken coop last week, but I don’t care what you heard, there were no casualties.” Except for my pride. And Millie’s left headlight.

Josie smiles for the first time. “Thanks, but my dad should be here any moment.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll look for you tomorrow. You should eat lunch with me and my friends.” I definitely know what it’s like to be the new kid. Before I landed in In Between,  Texas and James and Millie took me in, I’d only moved a million times.

I wave goodbye and cruise down Main Street to the In Between Community Church.

“Hey, kid. What’cha doing here?” James looks up from his desk and grins. “And what’s a six letter word for trouble?”

I sit myself down in a chair. “M-a-x-i-n-e.”

********************************************

That’s it for now! But there’s still so much in store for Katie Parker and the mysterious Josie Dawson, so be sure and pick up a December issue of Brio magazine and find out what happens next!

Also say a prayer for me. As you read this, I’m out losing my religion on Black Friday.

JENNY

3 comments

Finally…the day in which we celebrate gluttony and disgusting amounts of eating is upon us! I LOVE Thanksgiving! Almost as much as I love this YouTube clip.

Why are some cats so talented and mine just stares and crunches kibble?

So on Thursday not only will we eat, but the ladies will gather (after they’ve cooked, served, AND cleaned…) and strategize the Black Friday shopping. Apparently some stores are opening (again) at four, and I have a feeling I will be expected to be all perky and present at said stores no later than 3:57. Cannot. Wait.

Actually 1/2 of the people I shop for are always with me on Black Friday, so I end up pretty much just tagging along and buying nothing. Instead I count the minutes between meals. “Just thirty more minutes until I can eat a breakfast burrito at McDonalds…”  “Just two more stops and it’s fajita time at Chalupaville..”  But it is a tradition. Apparently I’ve only missed one shopping expedition in all my years. And that was because I was in college and had to work. Stupid job.

Anyway, here are some ways I like to prepare for Black Friday.

1. Drink nothing for three days before the big event. Peeing just slows you down, and when you’re shopping with die-hards like my mom and aunt, they will not wait on you for stupid things like bathroom stops, tying your shoes, or helping a little old lady with her bags.

2. Pack snacks. Sometimes we make all the early sales in time to eat lunch at a normal hour. Other years we’re eating lunch about the time I usually brush my teeth and get ready for bed.

3. Wear comfortable shoes. Nobody cares if you get blisters or your feet hurt. If you cannot hack it, then you are blindfolded, bound, and left on someone else’s doorstep in hopes a new family will adopt you.

4. Shopping with the family on Thanksgiving is forever. Once you’re in, you’re in, and you cannot be elsewhere on Black Friday. It’s like a gang–blood in, blood out.

5. Waiting in long checkout lines is part of the game and no whining is allowed. But you still have to know when to apply the pitiful face we call “Please store employee just standing around, please open another register.” Learn it. Know it. Mean it.

6. There is no time for anything but shopping. You must shop through the hunger, the pain…the odd rearend sensations. I’ve told this story before, but one year I was walking around in the wee hours of the morning in a store and kept feeling this burning, pinching feeling in my gluteus maximus. I was like, “Well. That ain’t right.” I shook it off and kept going, kept shopping. We leave the store, and I get in the car with my mom. Then all of the sudden my butt just LIGHTS on fire. So as my mom drives, I yank down my pants, and there. . . is a wasp. A butt-smooshed wasp.

That’s all my tips. If they save even one of you, my job is done. Godspeed to all you fellow shoppers. And remember, a wise sage once said, “Anything you want on sale at Old Navy, you can get online.”

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

JEN

1 comment

Happy Monday! I am out of school ALLLLL week, so I’m totally psyched. Right now the cat and I are sitting on the couch, Tom Jones is singing on GMA, and I’m eating chips and blogging. It’s a rough day already. Hopefully I can work on my current book, the final installment in The Charmed Life series. Book one, So Not Happening, hits shelves this spring. But if I don’t get some snow days between now and then, I may not live to see April. Stupid Farmer’s Alamanc…

Okay, so I hesitate to even bring this up…but I saw Twilight. I didn’t read anyone’s reviews/blogs yet because I wanted to keep a fairly open mind (I’d already heard some buzz…). Anyway…I really disliked it. STRONGLY disliked it. My friend Holly, who also prays and dances for snow, had warned me that Bella had a very prominent form of facial epilepsy. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but a few seconds into the movie…yikes. All Bella does is blink rapidly, scrunch her face up, and say things like, “Ugh!” “No!” It’s like the director told Bella and Edward, “The only feeling we want you to convey is deep, deep cheesy angst.” So Bella was a huge no for me. The part was just bigger than her. (Or should’ve been). I thought the screenplay was AWFUL. It went nowhere. No action until the end. I mean, when your butt falls asleep in Twilight, you know something is wrong.

It was just a movie of talking. And saying uninteresting things. And the camera angles? What was up with that? Half the movie was just Bella and Edward’s eyeballs. And the Cullens? Well, I liked the ladies. I thought those were good picks, especially Alice. But Dr. Cullen? He creeped me out. And not in a “I’m a vampire” sort of way, but more in a “I stalk little girls in my spare time” fashion. And Jacob? I just wanted to reach through the screen and rip out his fake extensions. And don’t get me started on how his dad kept trying to talk all gangsta and hip.

I could go on an on, but there was not any chemistry between E and B. I think Edward couldn’t truly love her because she couldn’t act and she was so blinky. And like some of you mentioned, lots of moments that made the entire audience laugh…and not because it was supposed to be funny. Anyway, if I had been the author of that book, I would be in a deep, deep depression right now and drowning my sorrows in orange juice and Fritos.

The fabulous Amy Poehler has teamed up with Barbie and has created a video series for girls. You can check out the first episode to get some great tips on writing from a 10 year old.

I need to take notes and get on the ball like that girl. She is a writing machine. I’m more of an emailing machine who occasionally writes.

So I’m on the hunt for boots. Again. I finally decided to get some Uggs. Well, some fake ones. I don’t feel like selling my left lung for a pair of boots I’ll probably hate by next year. So anyway, I went to my favorite online store Zappos.com to see what they had. I put in my search keywords…and this is what pulls up.

WHAT in the world? Why is it every time I try to find boots on Zappos, it brings up top picks for hookers? I mean can you honestly see me in those things at school? Not to mention I wouldn’t even make it out of the car without breaking a femur. But this (probably misplaced) review for the shoes made me smile.

My husband finds these slippers very comfortable but wishes it had more arch support. He says that they’re a bit narrower than marked but that’s okay because they stretch after a little while. Overall, great slippers for the price!

This puppy cam of Shiba Inus also makes me smile.

You have to check throughout the day because sometimes the puppies are just sleeping. But they are so cute.

So about six months ago, I ditched all but my basic cable. It was a HUGE adjustment, but really good for a chronic channel surfer like me. I watch nothing…but want to see it all. Anyway, last week my cable company calls and wants to extend my cable by a billion channels for 5 bucks through next year. So I’m like…okay. Anyway, there is ABSOLUTELY nothing on. STILL! But I did catch the amazingly talented and funny Flight of the Concords on HBO. This line had me scrambling for a pen:

Boss: So what’s new?
Conchord Guy 1: We have girlfriends now.
Boss: Really?
Conchord Guy 1: Yeah. We’ve met them and everything.

Okay, well, have a great week. I know I will!!!

JEN

6 comments

I think everyone in the world is going to go see Twilight this weekend. Sadly (and strangely), I am not. I’m going to the high school football game. We’re in the state playoffs. So…to the playoffs I go. I even have my special playoffs t-shirt, which is like a million sizes too big. And it’s going to be 30 degrees (THIRTY DEGREES!!!), so I’ll be dressed like the abominable snow woman. That’s never attractive. But apparently Chick-fil-A food is sold at the stadium, so I may need to eat a lot of nuggets…just to stay warm and keep my strength up.

I don’t remember which book it is, but in one of my novels, I make a crack about having brain worms. Turns out it’s not so far-fetched! It seems a woman went in to get her tumor operated on, but they didn’t find a growth…but a worm. EWWWWWWWWWW. Read THIS. The doctor’s prescription? Wash your hands more.

For some reason around this time of year I start looking for seasonal online games. I don’t know why. I guess because shopping, baking, grading, writing, cleaning, teaching, and litter box cleaning doesn’t provide enough to keep me busy… Anyway, here are some semi-nifty ones I found.

Word games are fun. And sometimes you just need an easy one to give yourself a little confidence boost. Like THIS one.

It probably goes without saying, I’m a huge supporter of Ben and Jerry’s. And they like games too! This ice cream scooping game is harder than it seems. Scoop away HERE.

This snowman making activity provided me with a whole 60 seconds of fun. Whee.

Did I mention I’m not seeing Twilight? Sigh.

Say what you want about Oprah, but I always learn something when I watch Dr. Oz and when I read her magazine. Like I did not know John Updike wrote The Witches of Eastwick. And did you know doing tasks, like brushing your teeth, with your nondominant hand can improve your mood and memory? I wonder what steering my car with my nose would do?

Also from O magazine, discovered that Hallmark has created self-adhesive wrapping paper. That is a really brilliant idea that makes you think, “Why didn’t someone come up with that sooner?”

Another tidbit is that you’re not necessarily doomed in a plane crash. Did you know that between 1983 and 2000, 56 percent of plane crash victims survived? Do you know who they were? Ones most likely to live were those with an aisle seat and those who read their safety cards. Yeah, so anyway, there goes my chances of making it. I’ll just hope the person in the seat next to me has read his safety card. And that he doesn’t mind me jumping over him and his aisle seat. Not exactly a time to be polite, you know?

I also loved this quote by economist Eleni Gabre-Madhin, who is helping Ethiopia in major ways.

“We spend most of our lives cutting down our ambitions because the world has told us to think small. Dreams express what your soul is telling you, so as crazy as your dream might seem–even to you–I don’t care: You have to let that out.”

Then again, it’s hard to get too inspired from quotes in O magazine because the perfume samples in the November issue are stronger than any lethal gas, and every time I open the magazine, I’m like what DIED in there???

If you go see Twilight, let me know how it is. And think of me while you’re elbow to elbow with all the Edward fans. I’ll be freezing my tookus off at a ballgame. Did I mention THIRTY degrees….?

Have a good weekend.

JEN

11 comments