Okay…so I saw Fireproof. Ahem. Nobody dies. I’m sorry to put that awful rumor out there in cyberland. NOBODY DIES. And there’s not even a Dalmatian in the entire movie, so I apologize to the dog community, as well. But I had the goner fireman picked out right from the beginning. I really do recommend this movie. The more people who get out there and support faith-based films, the better these movies are going to be. I didn’t see Facing the Giants because of a rumored tissue requirement, but I hear the production and acting is 100x better in Fireproof movie. (So those elements in FTG must’ve been ASTRONOMICALLY bad…)  Anyway, if you can get past some unnecessary bad acting (don’t get me started) and a few corny lines, you will enjoy it. And the idea behind it is great. No wonder there was such a demand for the Love Challenge book, which prior to the movie did not exist.

So to wrap up Minneapolis (don’t worry, I’m done with my stream of consciousness lists), I did get an early flight out. I got to bed the night before I left about one-ish after a marathon packing event, which starts out in the first hour with me being all organized and when you fast forward about six hours, I’m madly throwing stuff in a suitcase so I can get an hour of sleep. Anyway, woke up at 3:00 a.m. to catch a 5-ish flight. I had the best flight experience on the way to MN. On both flights, I had the row of seats to myself. So I got to stretch out. I found that the most unladylike seating positions really helped with my plane death anxiety. Though I think it might’ve brought traveling stress to some of my fellow passengers. Especially ones who are into crossing their legs and polite stuff like that.

I got to my hotel in Minneapolis, and after lunch with some writers, went to the famous Mall of America with my friend  Christa Allen. Christa is a fellow writer, short girl, and teacher. When I was checking her blog recently, I found this quote from one of her students that made me laugh out loud : Why would anyone title a book Obama Nation? When you say it kinda fast, it sounds like “abomination.” Don’t say you didn’t just now say that out loud because I sure did. . . and the kid is right. (And Christa, please give me this student’s name because I would like to run all future titles by him/her.)

When we got to the MOA, it was barren because it was a school day. I was a little bummed because although I am not a big fan of crowds, you have to have SOME people in a mall to give it some energy. It was pretty much me, Christa, the janitorial staff, and some random kids skipping school to make a Sbarro’s run.

I didn’t take a lot of pictures in Minneapolis. I don’t know why. I think I kept forgetting. But I’ll share the ones I do have.

This is me and Ashley, who is all hot stuff at Brio magazine. But she also sleeps on floors, so I dunno. I hope she didn’t get floor cooties. This was the evening that followed the Day of Bad Hair. And that is the top portion of the dress that was waaayyy too low. And you can see my slip that I did emergency surgery on, and it turned out okay…from the outside. But let me just say things are very awkward under that dress. I might as well have used duct tape. I think it would have been less lumpy.

Here’s me and Danica Favorite, writer, organizational wonder, another fellow short girl, and roommate number 2. I have no idea why my neck is red, but this is an example of the Nervous Skin Plague thing I do when I get stressed or have revealing clothing issues. This was also taken on Day of Crappy Hair. Those are my favorite pair of earrings, and I freaking broke them while taking a ten minute nap. GRRR! If I was going to lose my earrings to a nap, it could have at least been a worthy hour-long one.

LEGO Land impressed me at the Mall of America. I used to play with Legos, but I could never build anything. My brother could. I’d build like a four sided…um, thing. So seeing this big working clock-o-Legos brought back the old jealousies.

But my brother never made anything like that. None of his Lego creations moved or told time or anything. And neither one of us became fry cooks who bitterly dream of being architects or engineers, so I guess it doesn’t really matter.

In Arkansas we do not have a DSW shoe store. This was like shoe mecca.

It was like walking into a Zappos or something. Shoes as far as the eye could see. Expensive shoes, cheap shoes, in between shoes. I felt a real sense of peace just being in the DSW presence.

Here’s Dora the Explorer’s balloon ride at Nickelodeon. This is about my speed of ride. The roller coaster wraps around it and all through the building. Sadly, it was not going at the time. I would have loved to have gone on it. . .ha!

I always read author Meg Cabot’s blog, and she is frequently whisked away for signings in a limo. All 120+ of us Christian fiction writers loaded onto school buses. This will be no surprise to anyone, but I was with the group who didn’t know where to go and almost missed the bus. Walking to the mall would’ve really sent my Crappy Hair Day into a totally new realm of disgustingness.

Most of the authors thought the bus was such a novelty and a blast from the past. The few teachers on there just shared a sigh.

Speaking of sighing, my signing table was right in front of this soap store. Yes, I said soap store. I go to a soap store, too. It’s called Wal-Mart.

Now I’m not overly sensitive to perfume, but I thought I was gonna swoon with all the cakey cleanness coming out of this place. I could hear my brain cells shriveling up. And if you refer back to my “almost missed the bus” paragraph…we know I need all the brain particles I can get.

Here’s a pic of authors Virginia Smith (L) and Sarah Anne Sumpolec (R) on the bus.

They did not sit in front of the soap place, so they are all smiles. They probably sat in front of Au Bon Pain or something.

Okay, so you know how I’m always seeing “famous” people? The only one I saw on this trip was Jack Nicholson. Circa 1975. And you have to hold your left eye closed. And squint with your right.

The BEST part of the book signing event was meeting these two girls, Grace (L) and Kayla (R). They are new to reading Christian fiction, but they are SUPER excited about it.

LOVED, LOVED, LOVED meeting them. Are they snazzy dressers or what? I tried to bribe them with candy to stay and block the soap fumes, but they wanted to see Terri Blackstock and other big names who were not signing in a vapor of Rose Petal Delight and Eucalyptus Euphoria.

Two things I did not get to see in Minneapolis are the SPAM Museum and IKEA. I thought about bailing on the signing and crossing the 8 lane highway to get to IKEA, but I knew my odds of survival were not that great, and I had a cat to think of.

One last pic. Of all the cutbacks airlines have and all the STUPID fees you have to now pay (I’m waiting for the seatbelt charge), American Airlines has come up with the AA rockers. I’m not even kidding.

These things were at every American Airlines gate. I guess you’re supposed to feel like you’re on your front porch back at the farm. Where you don’t get charged for one suitcase. And you don’t get frisked and patted down just because you forgot you had a water bottle in your backpack. And you can have unlimited pretzels. And your life isn’t just one big series of delays. So I hope that rocking chair thing goes well for you, AA. Personally, I’d rather have a massage chair, but whatever.

Hope you have a super fabulous week. This is our Homecoming week at school, so I’m probably supposed to dress like a theme or something and don’t even know it. If it’s Sweats Day, I’m going to be so mad.

JEN