Wow, quite a bit has happened this week. That jet crashed and two semi-celebs had to slide down the wing and do stop, drop, and roll. Ed McMahon took work in a rap video. Then the whole economic craziness–to bailout or not to bailout. I mean SEVEN HUNDRED BILLION? Could you not have said something sooner? Like when you only needed four hundred billion? Rumors of marriage counseling for Brit and Kevs. Clay is out. LiLo is out. And McCain cancelled last minute on Dave Letterman, only to show up on the evening news with Katie Couric, who admittedly is cuter than Dave; but when the poll numbers are sagging, you do NOT want to make Letterman mad. AND maybe the worst of it all, you can only use the new Facebook. I HATE the new Facebook. Please McCain and Obama, if you want my vote, address THAT issue. (And my whole “sweats for teacher uniforms” idea, which I think still has a lot of life in it.)

Anyone going to see Fireproof this weekend? I am. But I’m not happy about it. I do NOT like sad movies, and word on the street is, this one is sad. Can we JUST ONCE have a funny, lively, spoofy comedy from a Christian filmmaker? Where are the Christian Will Ferrells? The Christian Jack Blacks? I do NOT watch sad movies. Why do I want to pay to be upset? And like my sister-in-law said, there are firemen involved, so you KNOW someone is gonna get knocked off. Um, Backdraft anyone? What guarantees instant tears? Killing a hero. And puppies. So though I have no proof, I’m guessing a fireman and a Dalmatian probably bite it at some point. I will let you know. And yes, I know there’s a good message about marriage in there, but at the risk of a dog or man in uniform, I don’t care!

Okay, so to conclude my plane ride mental breakdown, here are the final entries to my list of rambling comments from my trip home from Minneapolis.

1. OMG. I just looked out the window. There are freaking clouds out there.

2. Song on my iPod: “Dreaming With a Broken Heart” by John Mayer

3. “Flying With A Full Bladder” by Jennifer Jones

4. Flying is like when they give someone one contact for bifocals. Some things just shouldn’t work.

5. More freakin’ turbulence. OMG. OMG. OMG. Let me off at the next town!

6. I smell Cinnabon…if we go down, I WILL maul this person for a lick of icing.

7. Had to break down and use the bathroom. I need an in-flight catheter.

8. No soap in the bathroom. Wet wipes. Wow. That would be really great if I was wearing a diaper. And I’m not.  On this particular flight.

9. (Upon exiting the first plane) Thanked the pilots profusely. Thank you for a safe flight. Thank you for not being suicidal today. Thank you for not crashing into a major mountain range.

10. “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin.

11. “I will Foam At The Mouth Upon Landing” by Jennifer Jones

12. (On plane number two) Somebody seriously needs to vacuum on here. This is worse than my house.

13. Somebody needs to take me out with a tranq gun. You know, like the kind they use on rabid baboons who escape from the zoo.

14. I need to workout. If I live, I’m totally gonna do that. And be kinder to strangers. And floss every day. And smile more. And read some classics. Okay, just floss on the even days.

15. Who farts on planes? I mean seriously, WHO farts on planes?

16. “Wanted: Dead or Alive” by J B Jovi

17. “Wanted: Feet on the Ground” by J B Jones

18. Plane descending. . . and shaking. . . and wobbling.

19. I seriously need a massage. I’m about to chew my pen in two.

20. Says Billy Idol the Flight Attendant, “The blue light is on above me. No we’re not having a sale. It means turn your iPods off.”

21. “I’ll be coming by and trick or treating for all your trash.” Billy Idol.

22. The doctor from house is on the AmericanWay magazine. I bet he doesn’t like flying either.

23. Why is no one else bothered by all this jostling? I mean seriously, do we have to accept these conditions?

24. Carried on my 3 Musketeers, but forgot my meds. Why am I not surprised…?

25. Are we there yet?

26. Yeah, though I descend on American Airlines. I will fear no evil. . . but this turbulence is scaring the crap out of me!

27. On the ground. Praise the Lord. I wonder if I gave the pilot fifty bucks if he’d do some donuts on the runway.

28. Billy Idol called the smoking section of the airport “smoking aquariums.” Seriously, this guy needs a stand up gig.

29. “Contents may have shifted…” I know my contents have shifted.

30. Captain Bumpkis….seriously? I mean, seriously. Thank you for not revealing that moniker until we safely landed.

And I guess I did forget to mention, but In Between won YA Book of the Year  from American Christian Fiction Writers. Okay, I didn’t forget to mention it, but it seemed a little weird to toot my own horn. Usually if I brag, it typically runs along the lines of “Miller didn’t puke up anything today!”  Or “I only ate THREE bags of Fritos this week!” But whatever. The award is nice, too.

Have a great weekend. Even if you see a sad movie.

JEN