More Random Thoughts From the Conference
That’s me at the Mall of America book signing. Look how excited I am to be there. That picture was taken by the lovely and hilarious Gina Holmes, founder of Novel Journey. I check that site daily! And my hair…ugh. That’s what I call my “I swear I washed my hair this morning” do. Of course you have bad hair when you have a day in which you need high performance from your tresses. Stupid hair.
I think we’ve established that I don’t like to fly. In fact, I hate it. It doesn’t stop me–I fly a few times a year. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get on the plane assuming my life is moments away from a fiery ending. It’s not that I’m afraid to go. It’s that I’m afraid to go in flames. No getting around it–that’s gonna hurt. I’m usually okay when we’re at cruising altitude and no longer shaking and shimmying and fighting with gravity. Here are a few irrelevant thoughts that went through my spastic brain mid-air.
1. (Prayer on plane) Dear God, even though I’ve eaten enough this week to feed a small country, and now would be a good time to die calorie-wise so I don’t have to run all this off…it would be super cool if that didn’t happen.
2. White flakes falling from the ceiling. I’m TOTALLY gonna look like I have massive dandruff. Will they let me off for hair issues?
3. No seriously. It’s SNOWING in this plane. I look like Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club.
4. I hate takeoff. I hate takeoffs with fake airplane dandruff.
5. Sudoku= Sudookie. I just don’t get it.
6. All male flight attendants. None of them hot…what is the point?
7. Gonna try and catch a flake with my tongue…
8. Would I assist in an evacuation since I’m sitting on the exit row? SURE! (Was that believable? Because, um, like no way. It is every short girl for herself. Dude, if we go down, all rules are off and I will go Jackie Chan on you.)
9. The girl next to me has her iPod on, and it’s not time for electronic devices. She could bring the whole plane down!
10. The flight attendance on the intercom is a total comedian. And he looks like Billy Idol. A very feminine Billy Idol.
11. I love airports!
12. I hate flying!
13. Before a flight, I always eat whatever I want in case it’s my last meal. And it ain’t no salad, you know what I’m saying?
14. What was that noise?
15. I have to pee.
16. The woman behind me has tuberculosis. I know it.
17. Seriously. WHAT was that noise?
18. Oh, geez. Here we go. To me, takeoff is like reverse bungee jumping.
19. Wow. The plane is really shaking. . . No wait. That’s me.
20. I’m never flying again. Never.
21. No. This plane IS shaking. . . . . praying, praying, praying. I have a cat who needs me. I have students who– Like i said, I have a cat who needs me.
22. Reese’s Pieces make everything better. Wait! Don’t want to eat too many though. What if it shifts the weight balance, we crashed, and everyone would be all like, “You just HAD to eat that last one, didn’t you?”
23. Another woman with TB! Cough with your mouth closed!
24. I’ve accidentally kicked this woman’s seat five times. You know she’s about to turn around and knock the snot out of me.
25. Watermark’s “Captivate Us.” Good stuff. Hope my mad harmony skills aren’t bothering anyone. Personally, I find them soothing. Probably a ministry to all those around me.
26. I want to tell Billy Idol The Flight Attendant he’s doing a good job. I am such a teacher.
27. My wrinkles aren’t from age. They’re from scrunching my face during takeoff. If AA can bill me for a bag, can I bill them for Botox?
28. I should put my books in the SkyMall catalog. Right next to the FitFlops and the Nighttime Bunion Regulator.
29. Why did I drink three glasses of tea before this flight? First air pocket we hit–it’s over.
30. The girl beside me just gave me the “no humming” look. It just comes out when I breathe!
31. The pressure in my air conditioner vent could part the Red Sea.
Oh, yes, there’s plenty more useless thoughts were those came from. I know–riveting stuff, right? But I am doing a yoga speech tomorrow for my students (and yes, I purposely picked that topic so I could wear sweats. I’m not a total idiot.), so I better go review my downward salutations and sun dogs. Or something like that.
Happy Wednesday.
JEN
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Hey i loved the Katie Parker series they were soooooooooooo good!! Fantastic .. I just finished reading The Big picture today and it was so sad when i finished it because there was no more to read lol =( are you going to write another one in the series ??? I will be sure to read whatever book you release next, I can’t wait =D
Keep up the great work… and your websites pretty kool 2!!
LOL! That is so funny.. my mom hates flying… and she used to love it. She stopped flying when I was too little to remember, but a few years ago we decided to fly to our vacation destination…and wow. She was terrified! It was crazy…lol. But at least we didn’t drink three glasses of tea first..that would’ve been horrible. I do not envy you!
I do love flying, though.
And, by the way, its a cute pic
Congrats on your Book of the Year win for In Between!
hey, those are all my thoughts while flying too…ESPECIALLY about the eating thing! haha
I have a google alert out with my name and “lovely” so I found this. Of course, I had to wade through the other hundred or so Gina Holmes/lovely posts but it’s a labor of love.
So good to see you at ACFW. I wish I knew you had Midol. I would have borrowed some. I was Pmsing it big freakin time! Could you tell? You look lovely in that picture btw. See, I can use it too!
Thanks Shauna. I appreciate it!
Glad you liked the books, Chloe-Anne. For right now, three is it for Katie Parker. But stay tuned for a Christmas short story with Katie and Maxine in Brio magazine. AND this May the new series hits.
Bethany, I used to like flying too. Then I went YEARS without a plane ride and just turned chicken without it, I guess.
Gina, it’s a good thing I didn’t write the skanky comment I originally had. Whew! Dodged that embarrassing moment! ; ) Thanks for the pic, btw. Had fun hanging out at ACFW.
Jen-
You are so funny! I love reading your blog.
I wish my hair looked that good on a bad hair day! Once there was this guy on an airplane who started doing magic tricks when I sat beside him - rings that interlocked, disappearing quarters, the whole shabang. It was more than a little annoying after the first few minutes. I was so excited when I boarded the plane and saw him - because he was roughly my age and quite handsome. And then came the magic.
Back to Julia again! Feels good. I was thinking how great your hair looked and then read on… how can you not love that hair?!?! Mine is a menace to society. Parents just don’t like their children getting caught in my hair as a walk by…
I will now order Brio magazine! I’ve wanted it for a while, but now I NEED it. Have you read any of the Brio Girl Series? I like em. But I read everything. You know those books that NO ONE reads? I read those. You know those books that have very odd covers that make people give you weird looks when they see you carrying it? I read those. Except Anime. Anime will never be me… NEVER.
Aw, thanks Brittanie. That’s so nice.
Natalie, trust me…I have bad hair. Maybe you have to see it in person. it’s a lonnnng story. And can you imagine thinking the guy was cute and him pulling a quarter out of your ear. That’s only sweet for like um a second. Geez. That’s a great story though. I may have to use that… ; )
Julia, you are nuts. And funny. Yes, get Brio! It’s great. My roommate at the ACFW conference was a Brio writer! And good for you for reading obscure books.
Oh my goodness Jen, did In Between win Book of the Year at the Conference????? I just saw that from someone’s comment! Why have you not posted about this?? I am so freakin’ happy for you! Can you please post details about all you won at the Conference, I need details!!
Jenny … was Ashley M. your rooommate?! The world is so strangely small!
I just realized maybe commenting on other people’s topics is the internet version of eavesdropping. My apologies if that’s the case…