It’s Gross Pic Friday!!!
Happy Friday!
I just want to say that I watched season seven (finally) of Gilmore Girls, and I’m a little disturbed by it. Like I think I might need meds to deal with the trauma. It did not go how I wanted it to until like the last five minutes. So like 16 episodes of yuck and 300 seconds of “IT’S ABOUT TIME!” Thank you writer Amy Sherman Palladino for leaving after season six. I carry no grudge. None at all. (I am so finding this woman and TP’ing her house.)
So my editor has mentioned juicing to me. Not as in the type of juicing that leads to chest hair on women and guys talking like Michael Jackson. Super Editor Jamie Says it gives her remarkable energy. Well, who doesn’t want remarkable energy? So I thought, I’ll give it a try. She said, “Some people are bothered by the look or the smell.” No! Not me! I used to put spinach in my fruit smoothies. Plus nothing grosses me out! I’ll be fine!
Last week I thought I was going to hurl my guts up.
I buy myself a juicer. The UPS guy brings it. I open the door. Get it. Set it right by the door in the living room. Where it stays for a week. And every day I’d walk by, and I’d think…um, nah. Not today. Finally after many days, I know I must try it. I’m strong. I can do this.
I used Editor Jamie’s recipe which involves tomatoes, carrot, spinach, cilantro, celery, and maybe something else I’m forgetting. I dunno, hair of the toad? I stick it in my new juicer and watch as this stuff eeks out.
Ew. Here’s what it looked like when it was done. Can you IMAGINE? It was all frothy and room temperature. Everyone knows Frothy+Room Temperature= GROSS.
So I mix it up. I can do this. I can do this. I want remarkable energy too! I want to WANT to vacuum or pick weeds or whatever it is people with remarkable energy do!
Down the hatch. I lift the glass. This is the bird’s eye view of the stuff coming my way.
My stomach cries out for chocolate donuts just reliving it.
And when you take away the cup, look what happens. The juicer drips green goo like a car drips oil.
So I thought…um, I’ll put it in a pretty mug and it will taste better. Maybe even my inspirational mug. A reminder of our Lord and Savior will help me toss this down my gullet.
Well, that did nothing but put a George Michael ditty in my head. Still could NOT drink the stuff. It SMELLED.
I know! I’ll try a beautiful glass that will look all special and dainty.
AHHHH! MUCH better!
NO! It wasn’t! Are you KIDDING ME? Fabulous Editor Jamie had told me that the healthy enzymes die within ten minutes of juicing, so I knew time was ticking. I HAD to drink this stuff. (Though at that time it smelled like enzymes and everything else were already rotting and on their way to the after life.)
I held my nose. Shut my eyes. And drank. Close your eyes and think of England…
I would like to tell you that it wasn’t really as gross as I thought it would be. But in third grade David Harris told me that liars go to hell. So I won’t say that. It was REVOLTING. It has a nice salsa aftertaste, but everything leading up to that yanks on my gag reflexes and makes me want to spew.
I am happy to report that I took seven drinks. I thought “Tomorrow I’ll work my way up to eight!” Well that was Monday. And my juicer still sits there. Unused. Staring at me. Wondering where it’s veggie goodness is.
And it’s in my salad.
Where it belongs.
Have a great, gag-free weekend!
JEN
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Actually, it looks pretty good to me! Add a dash of celery salt and stir briskly! YUM!
Celery salt? I’d like to add Diet Coke or Snickers Bars.
My mom tried juicing. She did apples, carrots, and beets. It was about a year ago, and I’m still disturbed. It inspired me so much, I wrote a poem.
Ode to Juicing
This title is misleading
‘Cause there’s nothing to ode to you
Your grossness is exceeding
And you look too much like baby poo
The pulp is good for baking, shouldn’t have bought one…you could have borrowed mine…B12 under the ole’ tongue, golden seal and digestive enzymes…
I juice quite often, and love it, but it is an acquired taste, I think. No one but me and the hubby care for it.
I did read in several journals though that eating the vegetables and fruits is better for us than juicing becasue we get all the enzymes, vitamins, etc, plus the fiber that we need. So, enjoy the salad!
I tried blended salads because of a recommendation, and that too is just disgusting. You litterally stuff the lettuce, spinach, tomatoe, onion, whatever non-meat non-dairy ingredients you like, water, vinegar or lemon juice, and whirl away in a blender.
It’s a pain to make and while the aftertaste is ok, the actual taste and texture are horrible.
LOL!
At least you didn’t throw up Jenny.
I juice daily and my concoction consists of:
Kale, Swiss Chard, Spinach, Parsley, Cauliflower, Broccoli, Cabbage, Carrots, Beet Leaves and a teaspoon full of Tumeric.
The secret to getting it down, is having a tall glass of water handy and holding your breath while you gulp the green gasoline down. And *before* you take a breath, gulp a bunch of the water down so that it washes out all remnants of the foul taste and smell.
Before you put the juicer up on eBay, try it one more time doing as I do. Your editor really is right, it’s very good for you.
One day, while working at Old Navy, a baby puked in the little section. I was in charge of cleaning it up. Your drink reminds me of that day.
I’d go with fruit.
Little boys section, I mean.