I keep getting this question–so I wanted to give the answer. Again. No, there will not be a fourth installment of the Katie Parker series. Three is it. At least for a while. And that’s a lonnnngg while. I really appreciate the interest, and I know Katie and Maxine (and all their boy toys) have a lot of mileage left, but Katie needs a break. But you never know. What I do know is if there’s ever a book four, it will be YEARS from now because I have stuff in the pipe, and none of it is Katie-related. But it’s really cool that people care.

I went to the dr. yesterday for a little check-up. Why is it doctor’s offices always have the LAMEST magazines? And not only that, but they have trick mags, too. Like you pass by all the stupid ones, then you see a Glamour or Southern Living, pick it up–only to see it’s from 1986. It’s just cruel. Seriously, my magazine choices yesterday were New Jersey Life (I live in Arkansas), Golf (how can you have enough to say about golf that it fills a magazine–every month?), Junior League (are you kidding me?), and 6 varieties of parenting magazines (did you know there are websites dedicated JUST to diaper rash?).

So I check in and the clerk wants my drivers license. And she wants to discuss my HAIR in the picture! That is so tacky! Everyone knows the unspoken rule of never even acknowledging there is a picture on the thing PERIOD! I have to admit, I do smile for my driver’s license pic. I despise pictures in general and refuse to pose, but a drivers license is different. You’re stuck with that thing for like four years! You have to look at it every time you get into your wallet. So even though I always feel a little stupid smiling during the entire count of three at the DMV, I do it anyway. It’s as close as I’m ever going to get to a Glamour Shot.

So President Bush’s daughter got married. I thought all her arrangements were really low key and cool (minus the 400 bridesmaids). I think she had like 14 of them. Okay, if I had to have 14 attendants, I would have to PAY perfect strangers to stand in. Do I even know 14 people? “Hey, Connie, remember we went to third and fourth grade together? And you didn’t get invited to sleep-overs, so I invited you to my birthday party? Yeah, you totally owe me. Buy yourself some dyeable shoes.” I think the best thing said about the wedding came from G-Dubya himself. He paused. He smiled. He shook his head and said, ‘We’re mighty blessed.” Is that not the sweetest thing ever? I don’t care what you think of the man, that was a great (Texas) dad moment.

Speaking of parents, did you know Scientologists don’t do baby formula or breast feeding? Seems their founder L. Ron Hubbard traveled back in time some (and to Heaven),and on one of these trips (insert Star Trek music here) he went to ancient Rome and discovered this recipe for baby formula. It’s made of barley water, homogenized milk, and honey. Apparently it also keeps the babies fussy and rots their teeth. Good work, L. Ron. Good work. Besides, if I’m gonna rot my teeth on something, I’d rather it be Sweet Tarts or Laffy Taffy. Not barley and honey. AND if you’re going back in time, WHO is going to waste those moments on finding out secret baby formulas? I want to know who shot JFK! What’s REALLY in Twinkies! What did the Romans wear under their togas?

Have you seen the trailer to Twilight?

It has some serious potential I think. I didn’t like the pick for Edward at first, but after about the 226th viewing, he grew on me. I think I expected him to be older though–he’s such an old soul (literally) in the book. But I do think they might’ve missed the boat on some of the Cullen family. You can see them on a clip on MTV HERE.

My agent and friend Chip MacGregor has a yearly Bad Poetry Contest in honor of his birthday. I didn’t participate this year (I know–with my mad rhymes, I totally could’ve brought home the gold.), but they are still fun to read. Go HERE and check the entries for May 3 and May 7.

I think I couldn’t participate this year because my poetry is just too good. I can’t even TRY to sound bad. When you’ve got the skills, you’ve just got it. Here is an example from a post from last November. It’s a real heart tugger. You might remember it.

Oh, Jeans

Jeans, you are so lovely.
Jeans, you are so true.
I think of you often.
I like you cuz you’re blue.

Jeans mean I don’t wear heels.
Jeans mean I don’t wear hose.
Jeans mean I have laughter in my heart
And sometimes it comes out my nose.

Denim is a heavenly fabric.
God surely was behind Levi and Strauss.
And now I’m kinda stuck here.
Cause I need to use the word “blouse.”

Jeans make me feel oh so special.
Jeans don’t make me feel under the weather.
Bet you wish you could wear jeans in Dec.
Then we could all be happy together!

(insert snapping and clapping here).

I know. It’s pretty awesome. I’m currently working on a sequel, tentatively titled “Sweats.” None of my publishers have asked me to write a book of poetry yet, but I know that day is coming, so I better be prepared.
You can’t just throw that kind of brilliance together overnight.

Have a good Wednesday. After today I only have TWO MORE WEDNESDAYS!!!!!! I think I’m gonna go write a haiku about that…

Jen