So last night I finished the biggest edit ever (translation: degutted a book and pasted it back together with floss and spit) and today I start a new book in the Charmed Life series. I’ve had a lot of emails about the Katie Parker Production series, and yeah, THE BIG PICTURE is that last one. At least for now. Or until Disney comes calling.

Speaking of Disney, which reminds me of Nickelodeon (which reminds me of dirty socks and dog slobber, but that’s another story), tonight I was watching American Idol. And guess who was in the audience? The big guy on the left in THIS picture. It’s Dennis from Head of the Class, a goofy series from the 80s. I IMDb’d him, only to find like the other child stars on the show, he’s not acting. But he’s no slouch–totally racking up the credits writing for Nick in shows like Drake and Josh. I’m so glad Big Dennis made it. You know you’re big stuff if you score a seat behind the judges on American Idol.

And speaking of Idol, if David Cook doesn’t win I am going to tattoo his name on my butt and go streaking downtown at high noon. Tonight was Mariah Carey night, and I thought it was imminent doom for David. With a little bit of a rough start, he totally knocked it out of the ballpark with this cool arrangement. And I’m glad the weird frosty streak is out of his hair. Yet, another good decision on his part.

THE BIG PICTURE got it’s first review HERE. Thanks, Deena for that review! It’s always nice when someone other than my grandma or other people I pay off say nice things about the books.

I might’ve mentioned in passing to my class of ALL athletes (all boys and two brave girls) that over the course of the last six years or so…I’ve had to put down THREE cats along the way. For some reason they think this is funny and a reflection of my ability to take care of live things. Today we began speeches entitled “What I Would Change If I Became the Principal.” So my big wrestler student takes the podium, tells us all the changes he’d make, and wrapped it up with this final thought. “AND I’d make sure the teachers got free insurance–animal insurance. I know pet burials are expensive, so every time a pet died, they’d get a thousand bucks. . . Ms. Jones would be rich.”

Congrats to the winners of THE BIG PICTURE: Ginnie S. and Jessie B! I think I’m going to devote tomorrow’s free time to the task of returning overdue library books from like 1998, but just as soon as I take care of that little errand (and if I know me, I’ll go get ice cream instead), they will be in the mail!

Have a great Wednesday. My house keeper is coming tomorrow, so I am off to clean before she gets here.

Due to strange back-to-winter weather, having to give a book an extreme makeover, and my tendency to gravitate toward Fritos eating instead of running, I have really fallen off the workout wagon.

After about Wednesday, things will calm down here, and other than a brand new bag of Fritos, I will have no excuses. Oh, how I wait for the day exercise comes in pill form. I will drink it down daily with a nice chocolate shake.

The fitness craze hit a frenzy in the 80s. Back in the day when you worked out, you wore leg warmers (okay, that was second grade for me. I’m not as old as Olivia Newton John or anything). You also wore a super cool headband to keep all the Aqua Net from running into your eyes and blinding you for life. And you wore a really tight leotard that forever remained up your crack when you did your grapevines in aerobics class. And you had to do all of this while keeping your frosty blue eyeshadow perfectly in place. These were tough years.

I want to share these tough years for those of you who missed out.

I saw a friend post this on Facebook. It’s like a MAD TV sketch…but it’s not. I’m afraid it’s very, very real. Just another mistake we made in the 80s that we cannot explain. You must continue watching for the tongue roll. It’s right before the “Shake it, Sugar. Do it to it” moment.

The sad thing? Jazzercise is making a comeback. Let’s just hope white tights and spandex onesies won’t.

I totally had a leotard like this girl–except mine was turquoise.

Happily, I can say I did not have her feathered wings.

I hope you have a great week. I will announce the winners of THE BIG PICTURE on Wednesday. Until then, keep some jazz in your heart and Aquanet within reach.

Jen

Don’t forget–giving away a few copies of The Big Picture this week. Saturday’s the deadline. If you don’t remember the particulars or are too lazy to scroll through past posts (which I would be), directions are at the end of the blog.

So I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could do one more weekday. I really need to move to a country that has four day work weeks. Or two. Two would be nice.

So now that I’m down to one cat (if you’re new here…don’t ask), Miller, my simple animal, has turned into this total clingy thing. In his short lifetime he’s seen two other cats come and go, so he’s probably trying to butter me up so I’ll keep him. But he’s driving me nuts. He’s like static cling. The other cat was at least entertaining. Here’s Miller’s contribution.

“What? No, I’m totally helping. I know you’ve physically moved me from your desk 20 times already. How hard can this editing stuff be? You want to talk difficult, try coughing up a hairball.”

As previously mentioned, it’s been a wee bit of a stressful week. And when I have deadlines and things I MUST do…I tend to gravitate towards the things I absolutely DON’T have to do. Like culling through my Wal-Mart bag collection. Turns out I have one. So I reached into the small drawer where I keep them and it wouldn’t shut. I stick my hand into the cabinet beneath this drawer (where I knew I had also stuck one maybe two). And suddenly there’s an avalanche of plastic bags.

Filled the entire entry to my kitchen. (Notice the uber helpful cat.)

Today my friend Christa said “I totally need a wife.” I SO relate! Actually I need a secretary. I’m in one of those moods where I would give someone the title to my car if they’d just go to the post office for me.

And just like the Jessie Spano, SBTB, clip perks me up, so does this one. Watching it makes me absolutely happy.

Is that not the best? He went on to win of course. I LOVE Simon’s first reaction. Love how the guy’s not looking at the audience–he’s totally somewhere else. And I love the judges turning around at the end, just soaking up this guy’s moment. This is a man who needed a standing ovation. Probably been waiting for one his whole life. So cool. Not quite as cool as Jessie and the No-Doze pills, but whatev.

So don’t forget if you want to be in the running for The Big Picture, email me at this addy: jen at jennybjones.com and leave a comment on the blog as well. It makes my mom think that people actually read this.

Speaking of readers, I got FORTY percent more blog hits Wednesday. Because I’m so interesting and clever? Um, no. I KNOW it had to be people doing a search on Saved by the Bell. Thank you, Zack and Jessie. I shall have to mention you (A.C. Slater) more often (Screech) in all sorts of really (Mr. Belding) subtle ways. Apparently (Lisa) there is still a lot (Kelly Kapowski) of interest out there for (Bayside) the show.

Finally, I’d like to address a few comments left in the last few days.

Dannie, my advice to be a writer is to just write often. Go to conferences. If you write Christian fiction, join ACFW. If not, do a google search and find an organization to join. Get “how to” books by Sol Stein and Donald Maas. And for crying out loud, alt F, save!

Dejuanna, I totally know Janice! And it’s okay to admit you read the books. Come out of the closet.

RJ…you give me strength…to carry on!

Hey, Mary! I miss you and your class MUCHO! It’s SO not the same.

And last to Sara E, apparently God is trying to tell you something–like you need to reconnection with the clan from Bayside. I think it’s in the Bible that if you ignore his promptings to watch Saved By the Bell he will strike you with a plague. Leviticus perhaps?

Finally (no seriously this time), on a more somber note, for those of you who pray, please lift up our family friend (and my mom’s BFF), Kathy. Our girl has something called pre-leukemia, and it’s not good. She needs a bone marrow transplant to live, was at MD Anderson to start the process…and insurance said no. No transplant = no chance. It’s weird to me that insurance has the power to end a life when there are other options. We need a miracle here. I was told to get some people praying, so I’m asking you, my friends. You can read her journal HERE.

Okay, serious moment over!

Well, I was going to post a picture of the cover of The Big Picture, but WordPress won’t let me, so…sigh. Let’s just say WordPress and I are not getting along. If WordPress were a guy he’d be…I dunno, Jeff Goldbloom. (Google him because I CAN’T post a stinkin’ picture.) and my old trusty Blogger would be…Orlando Bloom.

Anyway, don’t forget if you want to be in the running for a copy of The Big Picture, leave a comment on the stinkin’ blog and email at this addy: jen at jennybjones.com. I appreciate all the kind thoughts and entries so far! I know, I know–the competition for the book is already so fierce. You probably can’t sleep, can’t eat, thinking about your possible windfall. Very similar to the night before PowerBall.

So Venezuela has decided to do away with The Simpsons and swap it with Baywatch instead. This was my favorite line from Eonline.com today. Venezuela has replaced Homer Simpson with a different type of boob.

So for my birthday last week I got THE best present. My nephew got baptized!

Here he is in another picture.

That’s his “If you take one more picture I’m about to get unholy on you” look.

So I’m in the middle of editing book B, writing book C, and working on promotional stuff for book A. Things have been a little bit stressful. Sometimes when things get crazed, I seek my solace in an old stand-by. I look to one who has been through the valley and come out on the other side.

Ahh, a classic. You just can’t go wrong with Jessie and the uber dangerous caffeine pills. Today those things are more socially acceptable. We call it  Red Bull.

Have a good Wednesday.

Jen

So congrats to the people who won the copy of book two, On the Loose. Those five lucky people are Lori, Cindy, Tigger, Pam, and Grace (who’s won TWICE on here–she’s on a roll!). And a bonus winner, Sarah from Canada because her email made me laugh. So expect your books in a few weeks, gals.

Today is a public service announcement for all those who have mastered the art of looking busy at their desk, but are actually doing online Scrabble. I would like to offer you some other choices. Besides…Scrabble is too intellectual.

Have you taken the quiz to determine what dog breed you are? If not, you need to check it out HERE. I’m a bulldog. That name really doesn’t please me, but the description is not bad. (Except it implies that I’m lazy. Which I’m not. I can put down a box of Twinkies with much energy, thank you very much.) It also tells you what famous people are also that breed and suggests some other jobs for your type, in case you are in need of career counseling. Here’s what it said for me:

FAMOUS BULLDOGS: Ellen DeGeneres, Whoopi Goldberg, Jack Black, George W. Bush

LIKELY PROFESSIONS: Comedian, Firefighter, Racecar Driver, Bartender

I would make an awful bartender. I stink at small talk, and I could never keep all those drink recipes straight. But interesting that Jack Black and George Dubya are lumped together. But come to think about it, I’d vote for Jack Black for president any day.

If you’re like me and times are stressful and you’re overworked, THIS is a fun one to pull up on the screen in place of a spreadsheet or boring old Word doc. I love what it says when you hit refresh.

This YouTube clip CRACKS me up. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE jump number two.

And this cat apparently doesn’t know that he’s supposed to be magically coordinated.

And this cat?

He says, “I need a latte and some French fries.” That’s what I got from it.

Okay, so this week I’m giving away an ADVANCED COPY of The Big PIcture. Of course by the time I actually get to the post office during THEIR working hours (Which are like 11 am to 11:01. I live in a retirement community. UGHHH), it will probably be a few weeks and it will be on the shelves. But if you’re game, please leave me a sweet little comment on the blog AND email your mailing addy to jen at jennybjones.com. I’ll pick two winners. And this will save you from camping out at midnight on the eve of the book release. It’s so much trouble.

Have a good week!

Jen