Okay, for all of you who have been asking about Paula Abdul, yes she’s THAT short! And that’s really cute that some of you GOOGLED her height and it SAYS she’s taller than me at 5′2, but she’s NOT! She is NOT taller than me! Stars change their height and weight stats just like they change their names. I totally could’ve towered over her. In fact, I tried, but security intervened…

So let’s go back to my Oprah and Denzel experience. Here are some more pics.
Here’s Denzel exiting the building.

“Where is Jen at? Oh, I know my life would be complete if I could just catch a glimpse of her!” I’m over here, Denzel. This 400 pound woman is standing in front of me and she’s been discussing her plans for you for the past 30 minutes. Run, Denzel! Run!

This is a picture of Oprah’s butt. In a leather skirt. That probably cost more than my car.

And here’s Oprah and her entourage.

She and I did make eye contact. And then she said, “Jen, I’d love to feature your books on my show.” And I was like, “No, O, you need to pick a boring classic again. Maybe a book in which people die and it’s all depressing and people want to slit their wrists when they’re done reading.” And she’s like, “Good idea.”

Here’s the security guy I was standing behind. See that thing in his ear? It was connected to people who are connected to Oprah!!

If you’ve ever seen clips of Britney Spears, when she’s driving, she is HOUNDED by paparazzi. She can barely move her vehicle. Here’s the Arkansas version of paparazzi.

Here is a final picture.

“Bye, Jen. I have to go now because these four inch heels are killing me and the leather skirt is melting to my legs.Stedman sends his best. Let’s do lunch really soon, now, ‘kay? Air kiss!”

I have seen FIVE stars this week. Five! Cinco! Before I get into last Saturday’s super star sighting, let me show you who I saw today. The pictures are of course awful! She was right in front of me and my camera would NOT cooperate!

Okay, if you close your left eye and squint with the right, you will clearly see that you are looking at none other than Miss Paula Abdul. For real. She was at my high school for a dance conference and showed our girls some moves. I was not invited, which hurts my tender feelings, so along with two other teachers, had to sneak in a back door. And bust out a window. And clip a wire on the security system. And dress in camo. But we got in. When Jennifer Jones smells celebrity, you cannot keep her away!

Here she is again.

“Come on, Jen. Get down here and shake your groove thang…before security escorts you out.” And I’m all like, “No, no, Paula. I don’t want to show you up. We both know how sensitive you are.”

Not only is she sensitive (please reference every episode ever aired of American Idol if you don’t believe me), but she’s also extremely short! And I don’t mean maybe. Check out this photo of Paula standing next to our athletic director…

She’s like, “Am I in the land of the giants? Please don’t eat me!” Paula is what you call teeny tiny.

And now…drum roll please…
Saturday morning, I was at the Wal-Mart home offices at 6:35 a.m., when normally I am pillow deep in sleepy time, and …well, BEHOLD!!!

On your left you have Denzel Washington, known for fine movies such as The Hurricane, in which he totally got the Oscar shaft. Then in the middle you have OPRAH WINFREY!!!!! Can you even believe it??? And on your far right you have Wal-Mart CEO, Lee Scott. There was also a famous producer there named Harvey Weinstein, who has produced every movie ever made apparently, but I didn’t really know him. But IMDb.com says he used to weigh 300 pounds, so I don’t know if he’s very successful movie-wise, but apparently he has enjoyed some Jenny Craig success.

The three celebs were there to talk about their new movie, The Debaters. Oprah was a co-producer and Denzel directs and stars. You can Google it if you want the skinny on it, but the trailer was good!

But I was like FIFTEEN feet away from Lady O. Not even kidding.
Well, there are more pics and joyous moments from this event, but they will have to wait until next Monday. No, please don’t email me and beg me to share before then because I won’t, I tell you. But if I do run into my sixth celebrity for the week, I’ll be sure and post that. Especially if they are shorter than Paula. Because that would just be freakishly weird.

Happy Weekend!

So Monday I stopped by a local junior high to talk to seventh, eighth, and ninth graders. It was interesting. (I doubt they’d say the same…)

Speaking to schools is not a comfortable feeling. Yeah, I do it every day as a teacher, but to go speak as someone who writes books…not too cozy. “Hey, kids, even though there are a 100 things you’d rather I discuss, let’s talk about ME! And writing–everyone LOVES writing! Woo-hoo!” So as you look out into the audience, here’s what you hope to see:

Well, minus some of the creepy leers. But look at that unbridled enthusiasm that just screams, “No, seriously, we’d love to hear you go on about yourself for ANOTHER hour! We could do this all day! Do you really have to go?”

But this is more like what you do see.

If you magnify that 50x, the whole back row is drooling out of boredom.

Okay, it wasn’t THAT bad, but next time I think I’m going to have some tricks up my sleeve. Like give my entire schpiel on a unicycle. Everyone loves unicycles! Or I’ll tell them that J.K. Rowling and I are total BFF’s. We shop at Harrod’s together all the time. Or I’ll just hand out some Benjamins.

And thanks to the kids who came up after every session to talk to me. I know your principal paid you, but still. It was a nice touch. (No, seriously, you guys better keep on writing! And you know who you are!)

So then today my classroom got swarmed by a flock of students who look like this:

Hey, guys, some of you really need to look into getting your faces waxed. Girls, don’t you want dates for prom? Take it from me, girls who need to shave their faces do not get the pick of the litter on razzle dazzle night.

Just kidding! Like I’d tell you if I had excessive facial hair! (Okay, I might not tell you, but you know I’d post pictures.)

And then look at this shot.

Look at the teachers in the background. The one on the left (Hello, Mr. Halevy!) is like, “Hark! There’re wild animals in her classroom! Should we sound the alarm? Do we have an emergency response plan for this? Super Tall Teacher, you take the one with the wings and spandex, and I’ll get the ones with tails sticking out of their drawers.”

Actually no one came in to save me from wild beasts and bees. It kind of hurt my feelings. What if they hadn’t been cast members of Jungle Book? What if they had been a secret animal/insect mafia, intent to cause funny business and hijinx for one short teacher? I would never have just walked on. I personally would’ve sprang into action. (And we wonder why I’ve yet to receive teacher of the decade?!)

Friday I will reveal the ultra cool celebrities (I mean TOP NOTCH!) I saw this past weekend. I’ve been sitting on it ALL WEEK!!! I have pictures and everything! Put on your thinking caps, because unless you’ve seen my pics on Facebook, you’ll never guess!

Happy Monday!
Hope you had a good weekend. I sure did!
Friday night I stayed home and “worked.” Okay, well, that was the plan. Somehow I managed to get nothing done.

Saturday morning…well, that will be a post for another day. But it was a stinkin’ cool Saturday.

And Saturday night…Chris Tomlin concert! Woo-Hoo! It was a lot of fun, despite the fact that the concert was at a track arena. WHO has a concert at an indoor track? Well, apparently Chris Tomlin does.

Here’s me and my good friend Kim eating out before the concert.

Nothing prepares a girl for some hot Tomlin time like homemade fries. For you, Chris Tomlin, I consume fatty, batter-fried potatoes.

Here we all are. Looking spiffy and proud of our front row seats (in the TRACK arena).

Here’s the man himself, singing like the facility doesn’t stink like gym socks and Gatorade.

Here’s a good shot. Look at him scanning the crowd for me…

And then there’s Chris doing his Braveheart imitation. He’s shouting my name like a war cry. “Jennifer!!! These track lights are blinding me and I can’t see you!”

And then there’s this shot, where it looks like a giant hand is picking his nose. Oh, to be that hand..

Seriously, if you haven’t experienced a Tomlin concert, GET you some tickets!!! And Louie Giglio is traveling with him, too. He’s a fired up, talented speaker.

More on my weekend of celebrities later.
Today I’m speaking at a local junior high–home to lots of mini-celebrities!

I’m really lazy, so I thought I would post my blog entry from Girls, God, and the Good Life.

I struggle with negativity. (Can a sister get an amen?)

A friend of mine (who does not struggle with negativity, though I still like her…) told me about these bracelets that people at work were wearing. Apparently on Oprah this pastor told about his campaign for a “Complaint Free World” and his mission to make the world a more positive place. The idea is that you wear this bracelet and every time you gossip or say something negative, you switch the bracelet to the other wrist. Soon you will be switching the bracelet less and less!

I tried this.
I didn’t get the cool pink bracelet, but instead used a ponytail holder (because I’m negativeand cheap). And every time I would say something unnecessarily snarky, the bracelet would have to move to my other wrist. Guess what…it worked.

Now I’m not totally cured (not even close), but it did work in that it has really made me think before I speak (this is a new concept for me). I have taken some time off from the bracelet, but during the weeks I wore it, I would genuinely stop and think, “Is this comment WORTH moving the bracelet?” It became like a game–and I didn’t want to lose.

But life got busy, and I soon forgot my cheap ponytail holder in the early morning rush.
And you know what? I easily slipped back into my old ways.
This bracelet isn’t magical. But it did make me more aware of the things that I think and say.

I dare YOU to try it. Grab a cool bracelet, a ponytail holder, a rubber band, something, and take the bracelet challenge. I’m going back to it. Come on–join me. Let’s all be stinkin’ positive together.
: )